16 February 2009

A return

What realisations did my birthday bring?  i haven't worked them all out yet, but i know a few.  i am a slave, no getting around that.  i want to be a slave to my Master and to no other person alive.  i want to place myself in His hands, to do with as He wishes, for i know beyond a shadow of a doubt He would never do anything to harm me in any way.  He truly does cherish His possessions much more than that.

my life has been ruled by my inability to trust people with my deepest, most secret self.  Yet this two years i spent in the desert of my own making, has been about trust.  He waited patiently for me to come out the other side, not knowing what the end result was truly going to be.  He was vulnerable and trusting of me first and that helped me to trust in Him oh so much more.

So now i am ready to walk the path of slave with this Man.  i am ready to take on my role and responsibility of being the best ambassador of Him i can possibly be.  This includes my returning to study full time, to do a BA in subjects i have had a great passion about for years.  i am returning to things i love and along with those equally, is submission.

i looked at the things i've always found arousing, always wanted to do.  i made a list of these and added them to my profile at fetlife.  Despite the various stretching bits, the old guard protocols and control in the form of dress, use and chastity, is a return to fantasies we both shared when we first got together.

He told me of His desire to include elements of "The Story of O" into His relationships.  The dress style, the grace and poise of the women, the piercing O received and i was extremely turned on by it.   The idea of being marked and tagged as owned si really arousing.  i let my fear of what others might think get in the way of making this reality all this time, unconsciously fighting the inevitable.  But now i realise it doesn't matter.  People wil think what they want to think.  i can't control that.  All i can do is get on with living my life in the most authentic way possible for me and that includes being a slave to Master.

We discussed a permanent collar that is locked into place and doesn't come off.  We both want this, a sign i am taken, i am owned property to all who know the meaning of the collar.  A band of steel locked around my neck.  

We discussed O's piercing, a tag with her Owner's design and name pierced to her labia.  Not some cute ring thing like you see most women getting or even in the O movies.  No, we both want it to be as in the book.  This meant business.  It was a weighted disc, hung from two strong, large oval links so the whole measures 2/3 the way down her thigh.  This is serious stuff and doesn't neatly pack away.  Even if a slave were to tuck this into her panties while out doing vanilla things, there would still be plenty of weight there between her legs. 

O also gets brandings to mark her ownership.  We discussed looking at these.  i want to be tattooed with His mark, to show i am His, but branding is also the ultimate in markings i think.  Animals are branded to show who Owns them.  Why not me?

Not of O, but none the less another big interest of mine is the chastity belt.  i want to be locked into one that is on for more than a few hours.  i want to be locked up for weeks at a time and teased mercilessly by Master so that i just about explode with the need to cum - but can't.  The ultimate in Ownership and Possession is to be used totally for Master's will and amusement, with no thought to what you want out of it.  

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